Faith

My cousin sister was to be operated on last month’s 15^th. The heart problem was a very complex one and the doctor had told us that we were already late in this. Chances of survival were lesser than normal by pass surgeries. My father, along with me and my other family members were tensed about this event. One of my friends studying in Australia had come back to India on a moth long vacation. All the friends in our group had faith in the “Hanumanji” Temple at Sanangpur. This town, Sanangpur is more than 200 kms to the north east of my home town Baroda.

As per our common faith, on his arrival, our group decided to visit the temple as a custom because my friend had come back from Australia. My dad also supported that plan. He said, “Yes you people should go. Also the operation is on this month’s 15^th.”

I understood what he meant to say. According to our plan we left for Sanangpur early in the morning on 11^th February.

After reaching Sanangpur, according to our trend we visited all the temples, including the main Hanumanji temple. One thing struck my mind during my visit to the Hanumanji temple. Tough I had visited this place many times before, this was the first time I felt something pinching me from inside.

This time when I saw into the eyes of Hanumanji’s idol, I felt as if they were asking me a question, “Why are you here today?”

The answer was very simple. My cousin sister’s heart surgery. One of my friends went to a corner of the main room of the temple and sat down with other people already sitting there. I followed him. When I went over there and sat besides him, another question struck me, “Have you ever sat like this before during your previous visits?”

The answer was no. Previously, every time I visited the temple, I would simply go, stare at the idol, thank him for whatever I have had in my life, utter a simple mantra, offer the sacred coconut to the priest who would make that coconut touch the railings of the room in which the idol is kept and give it back to me, and leave the temple. This was the first time I was sitting in that temple. Then I saw my friend uttering the Hanuman Chalisa. I also wanted to enchant the Hanuman Chalisa. I had learned it by heart when I was 9 years old. To my surprise I started fumbling with the verses! Then I realized i couldn’t recall all the verses of Hanuman Chalisa. The reason was obvious. I had not recited the Hanuman Chalisa since last 5 to 6 years/.

Where was my faith all that time? Did I really thank God for whatever I have got in my life or it was just an ordinary trend for me that I followed every time I visited any temple? I wasn’t able to answer my own questions. Whatever the reason, I wanted to recite the
Hanuman Chalisa that day. I wanted to offer prayers to God because my cousin was in danger. Is that what we call faith?

Well, I recited the whole Hanuman Chalisa by reading it from a booklet. After that, we went to buy prashad. In this temple, you need to buy the prashad for a specific amount. It starts from 11 Rs, and can go upto more than a thousand Rs. Usually, I always preferred to buy Prashad for Rs. 101. This time also, I bought it for the same amount. But I saw my friend who came from Australia, spending more than a thousand Rupees on Prashad and he was also buying it on behalf of our other friends who were in Australia. Seeing that, I also wanted to buy more prashad. Why? Again the same reason. I wanted to save my cousin’s life. Then I saw my othter friends buying oil and holy water. I never buy such things because I used to believe that faith or love for God cannot be measured by the amount of money you spend on Prashaad packets, oil bags or bottles of Holy water. Of course the amount of money you spend there is being used for maintenance of the temple, payroll of employees and maintenance of the Goshala. But this day, I wanted to buy everything for all the money I had but then I didn’t. I don’t know whether it was out of my rigidity. Or may be it was a simple logical reason that was stopping me from buying loads of all these things. What was I going to do with all the prashad? What will happen if I offered the priest with a big oil container of thousand rupees? Were all my sins going to be washed away? Or was my cousin going to be alright if I spent thousands of rupees on holy water, prashad and oil? The answer was again, no. the money could be used bear the expenses of hospital. But again, there was a blind fear in my mind. What if God isn’t pleased with me? What if he is annoyed with me because I couldn’t spend even a thousand rupees for his temple? But again it was not my cousin’s fault. So he would not punish her. With all these contradicting thoughts in my mind, I, along with ym other friends moved towards our car. As I sat in my car, I had one final look at the temple and I closed my eyes. I remembered Hanumanji with all my concentration and asked him to take care of my sister.

After that, I don’t know from where, but a force, a power, a faith emerged in me. I was suddenly confident about my sister’s operation and had more faith in the the doctor than before. And finally on 15^th of February, 2007, the operation of my cousin sister was successful. That day I thanked God and decided to visit the temple once again. Ever wonder what God must have told me when I was sitting in the car with my eyes closed?

The questions that arose in my mind when I was walking towards our car that day seemed to be without any logic. So where did all the logic, spirituality, understanding and literacy go? Is it the fear that makes you believe blindly in idol worship, offering prayers, bribing God by spending money on prashad oil etc? Or is it the fear that makes you believe in God? Why couldn’t I myself trust my own faith in God? But when I sat in the car and requested God just once with all my faith, things went my way. But how do you define faith anyway?

-- Yodhey